Why does it seem like every blog lately begins with "it's been so long since I've written"? *sigh*
Oh well, we've got lots to catch up on, so let's just jump on in, shall we? Yeesh, this is probably going to be long. Today's story, boys and girls, is about the tale of the missing baby!!
First and foremost, Josiah and I are absolutely thrilled that I'm still pregnant. I know some of you already know this story and others have just gotten the quick facebook version, but I'm going to tell it here anyway. I will warn you...there are some kinda yuck parts in this next couple paragraphs.
I woke up about a week and a half ago (Wednesday, Oct. 3) at 4:30 a.m. wondering why I was sweating because my panties were kinda wet near the legs (told you this wasn't pretty). I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep, but I was seriously confused. I got up to see what was going on, and when I did, there was a heavy pressure and a gush. I was pretty sure that wasn't good.
When I got to the bathroom and turned on the light, my fears were substantiated...blood was everywhere. I sat down and experienced another gush and a plop that felt like a giant clot...or something (and there was too much blood to see what it was), and then woke Josiah up to tell him we needed to go to the ER. Poor Josiah...I could see the fear in his eyes when he came in there. We both thought I was having a miscarriage and I think we were trying to emotionally prepare ourselves.
We talked about it some on the way to the ER. We talked about how if we lost this baby, then it wasn't God's plan and He would either provide us with another or He wouldn't...either way, His will is divine. We prayed. I cried on and off, but tried to stay level headed...because that's what I do.
Walking into the ER was a surreal experience. I wasn't cramping or in any kind of pain...just woke up covered in blood, that's all.
Once I had gone through the preliminaries, gotten to a bed, and gotten undressed, my nurse came in with a doppler to check for a heartbeat. We waited for what seemed like forever, only hearing my heartbeat for a while...but then we heard it...a little 150 beat per minute heartbeat. I laughed and let out the sobs I'd been holding back. It was one of the most precious sounds I've ever heard.
The mood lightened up considerably after that. I made Josiah go to work because he's acting manager of the department and they were expecting the company's interim president that morning. His mom was already on the way, so there was really only a gap of a few mintes where I was alone. I had stopped bleeding...all was well....
Until the doctor came in. She came in with a portable ultrasound machine so she could see the baby and make sure everything was okay. She started the ultrasound and I waited...and watched. The longer she stood there and moved the wand around, the more confused she looked.
She was confused because she didn't see a baby. She saw my ovaries. She saw my bladder. She saw everything else she was supposed to...but no baby. She tried to assure me that it could just be user error and wanted to send me up to ultrasound, but they wouldn't take me because I was beyond 12 weeks and had already had an ultrasound at my doctor's office. So they prepared to discharge me, and called my doctor's office to make sure they called me with an appointment as soon as they opened.
At one point I was in the hall and heard the doctor somewhat jokingly say to the nurse, "you let me down!" Did the doctor think the nurse hadn't actually found a heartbeat? We had heard it right? I was there; I heard it...right? I was so confused. I didn't even want to touch my stomach when I was getting dressed because it just added to the dizzying emotions.
Do you know what the discharge papers say if you've heard the baby's heartbeat but they can't find a baby? "MISCARRIAGE, COMPLETED" That's what the papers said: miscarriage, completed. Ugh...it was awful. I had those papers with me ALL DAY because they had the results of my bloodwork on them that I needed to give to my doctor...and my appointment wasn't until 2. I honestly believe that was one of the longest days of my life.
Even better is when you get to the doctor's office and you're trying to check in, and the lady trying to figure out how to code your chart asks "are you pregnant?" Um...well...that's an excellent question, and one to which I'd really like to know the answer!!
It's too late to make a long story short, but I'll at least wrap it up...the baby and I are fine. After some looking, my doctor found the baby and it looks just fine. It had a healthy heartbeat and was moving all over the place. Yay!!! I started spotting again the next day, and have on and off since then, so I'm sort of on light duty for right now. I have to kind of take it easy, but that's okay because the baby is okay...and that's what matters.
They don't really know why I was bled the way I did. They've mentioned a bleed behind the placenta or maybe a small tear in the placenta. They don't know, and that's okay...as long as it doesn't happen again because that was TRULY awful. You might also be asking why the doctor in the ER couldn't find the baby. I try to tell people that I carry really high, but sometimes people just don't get it. I carry babies high...really. Right now this little thing is like under my belly button. LOL She didn't see the baby because she was looking too low. My OB confirmed it when she went in the office; even she was a little confused at first, but because she's an OB, it was a little easier for her.
This experience, while horrible, actually had a couple really good outcomes. First, I'm still pregnant, duh, and that's good. But also, Josiah and I grew even closer because of it. We leaned on God and each other all day that day, and it tightened our bond. We've also been praying together every night since then, and that has increased our bond and our togetherness with God, too. Finally, we experienced such a great outpouring of love from our friends and family, and that was such a blessing. His family, mine, and our close friends (even one who was IN LABOR) called or sent texts all the time to check on me. It's just so amazing to know that no matter what you may go through, you have this huge network of people who love you and are willing to be there for you...just amazing.
Well, that's today's story! I've got some more stuff to talk about, but I'll wait until later this week since this one is already so long. Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!